Guidance : it's the moving ship that gets steered!

As leaders, when our wishes and God’s guidance coincide we are quick to rejoice and praise Him! When we are thwarted we can become downhearted and can attribute events as signs of opposition and/or ‘the enemy’s work’. Truth is – it’s more likely to be God’s activity and we need to maintain an attitude of praise and worship in all circumstances.

Great missionaries of old learned this lesson. Livingstone wanted to go to China and ended up with a significant ministry to Africa. William Carey was heading for the South Seas and Polynesia – he found his home in India. In my own case I have lived to thank God that at age 21 plans for me to travel with a particular ministry leader, to follow a particular training course and a significant relationship with a beautiful girl all fell apart at around the same time. (Although I’m really glad that I did end up later marrying the fantastic girl!) At the time I was devastated!

How God guides us:

- It happens on the move!

It’s easy for us to ‘get stuck’ in what we see as a temporary state of affairs, whether it be a particular ministry or a certain church. Because we are looking for a future change, we refuse to commit to the current situation and so miss out on all we can receive from God and all we can give to Him and His people at that time. The short stay then goes on for years and this suspended state hardens into habit. Don’t miss out by reserving options! Wholehearted living in any situation is the best way to hear from God and receive guidance for the future.

- It takes time!

We are an instant society that wants instant access and guidance that comes with the speed of our broadband – or better! This is where we learn patience!

Guidance : disagreements and closed doors

God’s promise is that He will guide us (Psa 32:8) and an examination of the book of Acts shows us how this happened at significant times in the life and development of the early Church. The prelude to Acts 16 was a disagreement between Paul and Barnabas that led to them going their separate ways. One result of this is that the young Timothy joined Paul’s apostolic team – a significant addition came from a negative situation. As they travel on, reversing the itinerary of the first missionary journey they had made previously, they seem to meet nothing but ‘closed doors’.

Their travels appear to have been governed by a balance of two things – strategic thinking and prophetic input. It was not just one or the other that prevailed. When Paul went to any region, he always went to the provincial capital – that was a strategic decision and meant that their mission had maximum impact, with people flowing in and out of such towns. As a result of this particular development the gospel comes to Europe for the first time, through Macedonia.

They met ‘closed doors’ to moves to certain towns. We aren’t told how they perceived this to be – it may have been prophetically revealed. It’s unlikely that they were physically unable to travel to these places, at any rate. Their response to this situation is important. Often when doors close (or slam!) in our faces, we find ourselves frustrated, angry or depressed. We all have times when we feel that more doors are closing on us than are opening.

John Stott, quoting Pierson, says “We too in our day ‘need to trust Him for guidance and rejoice equally in His restraints and constraints.’ ”

Guidance: Use the Force!

One of my favourite movies is the very first Star Wars film and the scene where Luke Skywalker is part of the attack on the Death Star is a top moment! At the bidding of the disembodied Obi-Wan Kenobi, in mid-attack, Luke is told, ‘Use the Force!’ He turns off the guidance computer and has just one shot at obliterating the enemy’s mega-weapon… - you know how it ends!

If only guidance was that easy! (My brother and I once played a very interesting game of cricket where I decided to bat with my eyes shut and ‘trust the force!’…) The fact is that in wanting to serve God, follow Him and be in His will, we need to learn to hear from God.

There are important decisions to be made in life – significant relationships and marriage, having children, allocating time where demands are increasing, career and job development, where to live, spending money, buying possessions – among others. In leadership, the consequences of our decisions can be even more far-reaching, both for ourselves and also for the churches we serve.

In the next few blogs I will look at guidance and some principles that I have found helpful. One of my greatest leadership decision moments was related to the first building project we undertook here at King’s in year 2000. It was whether we should sell an old church building to the Jehovah’s Witnesses!

From Developing the Leader Within You: John Maxwell - 4

Here’s another of my favourite quotes from John Maxwell…

My top ten tips for personal organisation.

1. Set your priorities
2. Place priorities in your calendar
3. Allow a little time for the unexpected
4. Do projects one at a time
5. Organise your work space
6. Work according to your temperament
7. Use your driving time for light work and growth
8. Develop systems that work for you
9. Always have a plan for those minutes between meetings
10. Focus on results, not the activity

Conclusions - For Men and Women Only!

Concluding the reviews of For Men Only and For Women Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn...

For Women Only – by Deb

I enjoyed this book, as I felt it brought a fresh look at many of the things we think we know about our husbands. It made me think more deeply about what my response should be to some of the ‘revelations’ and led to some interesting discussions with Steve. I was not surprised by many of the findings, such as a man’s need for sex or respect, or the importance he places on appearance, but it did help me get inside my husband’s mind a little more successfully! A couple of things did surprise me, such as the burden a man feels to provide. I really hadn’t appreciated this before. I was also reminded that sex fulfils an emotional as well as a physical need in men, something I believe many of us forget.

Any book which brings insight and understanding to the person to whom we are married is to be welcomed. Like all books, there are some things which will resonate deeply with you and others which won’t. It is a great book to discuss together – you may find it leads to some revealing and challenging discussions!

For Men Only – by Steve

I found this book extremely helpful in further understanding Deb. We have been married for nearly 20 years, have taught the marriage course 6 or 7 times and I have read widely on the subject of marriage, but this book gave me new insights into how my wife processes life. I was always aware that emotions were more complicated for women, but the comparison of emotional testosterone for women with male testosterone helped me understand more deeply the need Deb has for emotional connection and shared emotional lives.

The End!

Making an effort!

About men (by Deb)

“Our surface understanding is that ‘men care about appearance’. What this means in practice is that you don’t need to be a size 8, but your man does need to see you making the effort to take care of yourself – and he will take on significant cost or inconvenience in order to support you.”

During the survey, the author found that: “The effort you put into your appearance is extremely high on his priority list. Yet the chances that you know his true feelings are extremely low.”

Shaunti would go so far as to say that what she’s learnt in this area has been life changing. She is careful to try and present this information in a way that will hopefully challenge and not condemn. Nonetheless, this was the topic most men reading the book wished their wives understood (sex and respect came close behind). Men were not asking their wives to look like supermodels – many stressed that they wished their partners were not so oversensitive about their body image. What mattered was the effort made – men equated this with showing love. “When you take care of yourself, I feel loved”.

Investing in romance!

About men (by Deb)

“Our surface understanding is that ‘men are unromantic clods’. What this means in practice is that actually most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic – but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed.”

Shaunti’s survey revealed that in fact men ‘very much desired romance for themselves’. However, they frequently hesitate to do anything romantic because they fear that they may not do a very good job and are haunted by past failures.

Having fun together and doing “guy things” was high on the priority list for many men. Also, unsurprisingly, romance and sex are closely connected – it is an integral part of romance. It’s important that we encourage our husbands in the efforts they make – this is especially important when a man is working outside his comfort zone! We are also urged to “make ourselves the kind of lover he wants to pursue.” Men are not mind readers and the occasional hint is helpful. Finally, she suggests ensuring that our husbands know they are top of our ‘to do’ list.

About women (by Steve)

“Our surface understanding is that she wants to look attractive. What this means in practice is that inside your wife lives a girl who needs to know that you find her beautiful - and that you only have eyes for her.”

In a world which increasingly values a certain kind of beauty and presents a picture through the media that is impossible to obtain, our wives have a deep need and desire to know that we find them beautiful and desirable. The challenge of this chapter is how often we express to our wives how beautiful we find them.

It also explains why many women spend lots of money on make up and fashion. I like the comment in the chapter which suggested we see this more as an investment in our wives rather than yet another new top! The chapter finishes with an encouragement for husbands to keep their visual focus on their wives.

to be cont'd...