The Top 5 Reasons Churches Don't Grow 1

I came across an article by Bill Tenny-Brittian - a church leader who is often called in to help churches in the USA that are stuck, plateau-ed and declining. From his experience he maintains that the failure of a church to grow arises from one of six issues. Although the article has ‘five’ in the title, he states,

‘..you can major on ‘fixing’ the top five for the rest of eternity, but if you don’t take care of this one single issue, it will be for naught. I’ve said it before, and I suspect I’ll say it again, and again, and again. The most heinous church growth killer is unresolved conflict. Period.’

Having given this foundational issue at the outset, he lists the top five growth-killers in reverse order:

5. Ineffective Attendance Tracking:

Few churches do this well but growing churches tend to do this exceptionally well. If you want your church to grow, you have to know who’s there and who’s not. If you don’t get contact information from visitors – how can you follow them up? And if you don’t know who’s not there then you can’t do effective pastoral care. Bill T-B has debriefed hundreds of church drop-outs and found that one of the top reasons that they no longer attended was that they missed a Sunday or two (for all sorts of reasons) and no-one bothered to contact them and ask if they were OK.

Rest - holidays, study breaks and The Finish!

I have a week off at Christmas and then the first week of January is a study break. My study break is very different to my normal routine. I read, prepare, pray – and play 18 holes! At Easter, I have the same routine – a week’s holiday, a week’s study break. I am far more creative as a result of those study breaks because I have just come off a week’s holiday and it would be my view that the leading edge of my church comes out of those times. It makes me more fruitful. Then in the summer I have six weeks out. Some of you are now asking – ‘What happens to your church?’ Your church is far more robust than you realise – it can survive without you. And if it can’t - then you haven’t built anything. In fact you have filled the gaps so much that you have left no space for others to come through. Sometimes, by getting out of the way, hearing from God, being refreshed, I find that I see things totally differently after just a week or two. And build team. Allow others to help you. Give away as much as you can!

The purpose of rest is to enable you to run well! Please think about the principles that I have laid out here and apply them in your situation. I really believe that doing this will enable you to run well.

The aim of running is to get to the finish – be intentional about running well, resting well and finishing well! My aim is to go through the finishing line at speed – to the glory of God!

Rest - refreshment from elsewhere

Another thing that can help in refreshing us is to take up an interest beyond ministry. Bird watching? Train spotting? Golf? Give yourself to something else for that time. For me it’s sport. I've always loved playing sports - I watch sport and have all the Sky Sport channels. I think all church leaders need Sky Sports (more high fives!)… Deb is different (surprise!) - she reads. What is your other interest that takes you out of this goldfish bowl?

Also friendship is important. Now for some of you this is an area of pain. If you are involved in a church plant and you’ve moved from your home town and church then you’re just longing for someone to connect with. And it’s complicated in ministry. You have to be intentional about making good friends in such situations – it might not ‘just happen’ by itself. You need to connect with some people that fuel you and don’t drain you. Some people I’ve seen are so compassionate that they spend all their time with those that they are pouring their lives into. Sometimes this can be feeding a lack or void within – but true friendship is essential.

I’m a task orientated person. As a result I have come to the topic of rest and seen it as a task! After 6 years of leading a church I realised that the prospect of doing what I was doing for 30 – 40 years was daunting. In making rest a task I plan ahead for it. So, the first things that go into my diary each year are my holidays, all my time off and my study breaks. These are all essential for my sense of well-being and my ability to stay the course long-term. I’m not suggesting that you must do this in the same way but I would say that you need to take the principle of rest as a task and apply it to your own life and situation.

Rest - meeting each other's needs in marriage

In a piece of research done on the topic of meeting each others’ needs, men were asked ‘How much time does your wife want to speak to you in a week?’ Their response was ‘15 minutes, twice a week’. Are you ready for the next bit? They then asked the wives – ‘How much time do you want to speak with your husband?’ Guess what their response was? One and a half hours - per day.

Just hearing that statistic made me feel tired. Do you know why this is important? It’s actually critically important for those of us in ministry because too many pastors and their wives fall morally. Too many fall out of the race because of emotional burnout. You hear of the wife who got attached to another guy at work or emotionally involved with another guy at church. Normally such an attachment ends up in bed. And the guy who’s emotionally washed out and whose wife is not responding sexually is more vulnerable to some-one else. That vulnerability can also end up in bed.

I don’t want that to happen to anyone reading this. I really don’t. There’s too much at stake for God, His church, your life call, your children – so it’s very important that we have appropriate rest and that our home and marriage is a vital point of refreshment.

So here’s the question. Here’s the application. Guys - ask your wife, ‘Am I meeting your emotional needs?’ If in the course of that discussion she says that she needs an hour and a half to talk each day – listen to her! Because in a moment she is going to ask you this question: ‘Am I meeting your sexual needs?’ At which point you can say, ‘An hour and a half each day…’

As a result of this blog I’ll be welcomed everywhere by male leaders with high fives! But seriously... men and women, husbands and wives need to understand how the other half ticks on this topic!

Rest - the importance of your marriage

The most important relationship is always that of husband and wife. If your marriage is not strong enough, if it’s not overall a positive thing that refreshes and refuels you both, then you will struggle even more in Christian ministry. There will be struggles even if you have a strong marriage!

Invest in your marriage! One way that Deb and I do this is that we read at least one book on marriage every year. This year we have read ‘For Women Only’ and ‘For Men Only’ by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. I’ve been married for 20 years and what I read gave me new insight into my beautiful, creative wife! We discussed what we had each read – it gave us the chance to look at things from a point of view that we would not necessarily have got to on our own.

Like the following… (and I will caricature somewhat to make my point!) I want you to imagine a husband coming home from work. The guy comes in – he’s exhausted. His wife wants to connect emotionally, talk about the day… The husband has no emotional capacity to connect in this way. Because of the way he’s wired he still wants sex because for him that is emotional connection. It’s not just a physical thing. A godly wife wants to respond but it’s a lot easier for her to do this once she’s connected emotionally. In a poor marriage situation you can quickly get a downward spiral. The guy, wasted with ministry, can’t connect with romance and giving time and affection and listening to his wife. While the wife struggles to respond physically because she’s not having her emotional needs met.

Rest - the importance of priorities...and of home!

It’s important to set priorities or other things will swamp you.

Deb and I did this with regard to our home life. In a real desire to understand the pressures on her, I asked Deb what took so much of her time at home. ‘The washing’ she said. ‘I have to pick it all up from the bedroom floors, put it into the basket, wash it all, dry and iron it and put it all back so that the whole process can begin again.’ Anyone relating to this, guys? As we were on holiday when we did this review, I had spare capacity and time to think about this! I nearly made a spreadsheet to track what’s happening, recruiting the boys to do their bit, streamlining the process … But then I got it! I want my wife not to be tired and to be available when I come home and the decision to employ some help in the house as a result of that review was a positive thing.

Now I know not all of you are in a position to be able to do that, but the process still holds. Life moves so fast sometimes that you have to reposition the priorities where they should be. It’s no good thinking that things will calm down soon – experience shows that’s not true!

This brings me to another important point. Home must be a place of rest. If home is not a place of rest in Christian ministry then things are going to be really hard. I have observed, just from my own life and those of my team members, that in times when a family member is sick, times of demand that result in lack of sleep, dealing with elderly parents, to name but a few – all these issues put into a context of a demanding ministry – these can destabilise a home. They can come out of the blue and rob us of any refreshment we might have found in our homes previously.

Rest - Prayer & Fasting and a story...

I love being in God’s presence. I love corporate worship and I love our times of Prayer and Fasting – three times a year we assemble as Newfrontiers leaders and I love it because I can get away from the demands of church and be in God’s presence for two days with my mates! It forces me to dwell in God’s presence in a way that I don’t tend to do elsewhere. I would suggest that if you find yourself too busy for Prayer and Fasting then you need to look at that.

You may have come across a version of the following illustration but it bears retelling!

A philosophy professor stood before his students with a very large empty glass jar which, without comment, he proceeded to fill with golf balls. He asked them if the jar was now full – they agreed it was. He then took some small pebbles and poured them into the jar where they rolled into the spaces between the golf balls. He asked again if the jar was full. Everyone agreed it was.

Next he poured sand into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up every other space. He asked again if the jar was full and was met with a unanimous ‘Yes’.

Finally, from under his desk he produced two cans of beer and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty spaces between the grains of sand. The students laughed, at which point the professor told them that the jar represented their life.

The golf balls represented the important things – family, children, health, friends and favourite passions. If everything else was lost and only those things remained, life would still be full. The pebbles stood for everything else that matters – like jobs, house and car, while the sand is everything else – the small stuff that crams into our days.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first’ he said, ‘there will be no room for the pebbles or golf balls… If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children, your parents and grandparents. Take your spouse to dinner. Get your medical check-ups and play those rounds of golf. There will always be time to clean the house and see to household repairs. Set your priorities – the rest is just sand.’

One of the students asked what the beer represented. The professor smiled. ‘The beer shows that no matter how full life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers with a friend!’

Amen! Preach it brother!