Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Feeling good - sex and listening!

About men

“Our surface understanding is that ‘men want more sex’. What this means in practice is that your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.”

Sex changes everything for men. It unlocks their emotions and we hold the key! Perhaps unsurprisingly, the survey revealed that men want more sex than they are getting and that women don’t realise that this is a crisis for their relationship. Sex fulfils not just a physical need in men but a powerful emotional need. But that was not all; more than just needing sex, men wanted to feel wanted. The survey revealed that fulfilling sex makes a man feel loved and desired and gives him confidence. When we withhold sex, a man feels incredible rejection which can even send him into depression.

In response Shaunti calls on wives to love their husbands in the way they need. For some women who would love to be able to respond to their husbands but can’t, this may mean getting help. It means making sex a priority and putting it above some of the things that we might, on preference, put higher up our list. (Deb)

About women

“Our surface understanding is that when there is an issue, she doesn’t want you to fix it; she wants you to listen. What it means in practice is that when she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself.”

The key lesson of this chapter is that we men need to learn the art of listening rather than trying to fix things and to focus on the emotions she is experiencing rather than the problem or solution. This is challenging for most men, because our instinct is to try and fix the problem.

The chapter provides some helpful suggestions on how to listen and reflect back the underlying emotions she is feeling, and shows us how, if our wives are feeling listened to, understood and comforted then she will feel connected and supported. My own reflection on this chapter is I that I probably need to read this once a week, to stay tuned into Deb’s emotional needs. (Steve)

To be continued...