About men (by Deb)
“Our surface understanding is that ‘men are unromantic clods’. What this means in practice is that actually most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic – but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed.”
Shaunti’s survey revealed that in fact men ‘very much desired romance for themselves’. However, they frequently hesitate to do anything romantic because they fear that they may not do a very good job and are haunted by past failures.
Having fun together and doing “guy things” was high on the priority list for many men. Also, unsurprisingly, romance and sex are closely connected – it is an integral part of romance. It’s important that we encourage our husbands in the efforts they make – this is especially important when a man is working outside his comfort zone! We are also urged to “make ourselves the kind of lover he wants to pursue.” Men are not mind readers and the occasional hint is helpful. Finally, she suggests ensuring that our husbands know they are top of our ‘to do’ list.
About women (by Steve)
“Our surface understanding is that she wants to look attractive. What this means in practice is that inside your wife lives a girl who needs to know that you find her beautiful - and that you only have eyes for her.”
In a world which increasingly values a certain kind of beauty and presents a picture through the media that is impossible to obtain, our wives have a deep need and desire to know that we find them beautiful and desirable. The challenge of this chapter is how often we express to our wives how beautiful we find them.
It also explains why many women spend lots of money on make up and fashion. I like the comment in the chapter which suggested we see this more as an investment in our wives rather than yet another new top! The chapter finishes with an encouragement for husbands to keep their visual focus on their wives.
to be cont'd...